Fuck

Today's been the hardest day so far. Whereas before, my loneliness was actually a little entertaining and I'd laugh at myself about it, recognizing my loneliness, letting the emotion flood over me, and then letting it disappear when I encountered something inspiring, something that distracted me, the loneliness I encountered today wasn't the breath-of-fresh-air-solitude-and-independence loneliness, but more of a pathetic-self-pitying brand, where my heart would race at the slightest bit of attention from a stranger. With a few important exceptions, today was definitely my hardest day. Part of it is recognizing that I need to take a risk and strike up random conversations, but it seems so impossible when the person's language is so different. Argentine Spanish is REALLY difficult to understand.

On the positive side, I went to the most amazing bookstore of my life today. It's an old theater that they converted into a bookstore. Where the stage once was, there's a cafe. Where the orchestra level was, there are columns and columns of books. And where the balcony seating was, they turned it into a reading room. Things like this make me think that Argentinians are naturally innovative, and the way that they act, it makes me think sometimes that they just get something we don't. BA reminds me a lot of New York, but the people are patient, accomodating, and straightforward. There's always a single-file line going down the street for people waiting to get on the bus. Little things like that make me think that people in this city just sort of have their shit together. Clearly this isn't the case, though, because there are more therapists per capita in BA than in any other city, something like 1 therapist for every 30 people. Hahah

Anyways, waaahhh I have no friends. I'm going to go smoke another cigarette.